A Story They Won’t Be Telling Their Grandkids by Girlie_girl7

Date: 9 Nov 2001 00:52:06 -0000
Subject: A Story they won’t be telling their Grandkids by Girlie_girl7
Source: direct
Reply To: [email protected]

Title: A Story They Won’t be Telling Their Grandkids
Author: Girlie_Girl7
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: The entire season 9 smells like it’s spoiled, other than that, none.
Summary: The title says it all.
Notes: Thanks to the Whirlpool Chix at the Mulder chat!Disclaimers: I don’t own them but I like to take them out and play with them once in awhile.

“How could this happen. How could something like this happen to me! What if this gets back to the bureau. Oh, how embarrassing!”

Dana Scully stepped from her shower for the third time today.

“Shit this stuff is never gonna come off. I swear I’m going to kill Mulder!”

~Fade to the start of the day~

Scully started out her day pissed at Mulder and it would only get worse. He had been irritating her for the past two weeks. For starters he had dragged her out on a possible sighting. Tractor beams had been sighted, which turned out to be a tractor with its high beams on. She ruined a sixty dollar pair of pumps and unceremoniously fell into a pile often found on farms. It hadn’t helped that the farmer and Mulder had laughed their asses off over the sight of her even as they were helping her up.

They had argued over directions on their drive back and as usual Mulders photographic memory served him well.

Hell, Mulder could spot a country road that was hidden behind trees out in the sticks but he could not seem remember to put his underwear in the hamper.

Soon after returning from their little trip from ‘the farm from hell’, she’d lost a bet with Mulder and had to file all the field reports for the next month. She came into the office to find her desk piled four feet deep in reports. Scully was not amused.

He had been so smug and arrogant about it. Damn, she hated him at times!

Their expense reports had been off and Skinner had chewed their asses out over it. Only later had Scully realized that Mulder had left off one page of his half.

An ass chewing and it wasn’t even her fault!

Scully’s washer had crapped out and Mulder had offered to let her use the one in his building. That was her first mistake, her second was letting Mulder do her laundry while she ran an errand. When she returned she found Mulder very proud of his laundry prowess.

It was only after she returned home that she discovered her whites were bright pinks.

She walked in on Mulder, caught in an act that drove woman to consider killing their mate, and she was armed. He was going through her purse! He had needed a pair of nail clippers but he couldn’t help commenting that it must feel weird putting that long tube in.

Shit! She wanted to strangle him.

Then there was the infamous tape switch. Scully’s mom had asked her to tape a cooking show for her.

Dropping off the tape at her moms, Scully had just walked in to her apartment when she saw she had a message on her machine. Scully could still hear her mother’s words echoing in her head,’Dana it’s mom, I put that tape in that you gave me and was all set to make pork chops in rice but instead I got Patty Cakes in White. Honey, I suggest you have Fox check his tapes for a cooking show. We’ll talk later, Love ya.’

“Oh shit!” She could throttle him!

Mulder had brought over that tape to put her in the mood and it had done nothing for her mood, as he was later to find out.

Mulder had pawed at her at the wrong time of the month, knowing full well that infuriated her. If she had been prickly up until then, at that moment she was down right bitchy, but it was his own fault. He knew to stay clear of her, he had tempted fate and fate had kicked his ass.

Scully had even locked him out of the bedroom but much to her chagrin he fell asleep on her couch. “How does he do that! The man could sleep anywhere.”

Their relationship had developed over the years from partner, to friend, to lover, to the point where she could kill him. They had settled into a marriage without all the paper work. Dana Scully loved Fox Mulder but no one could aggrivate the hell out of her like he could. Their relationship crackled with sexual tension while at other times she just wanted to crack him!

Mulder always picked the worst times to act up, reverting back to some pre-pubescent school boy, hell bent on embarrassing her. How could Doctor Dana Scully, Special Agent Dana Scully ever have fathomed falling in love with him. It was still a mystery and one she could not explain scientifically or logically, but he did have a great ass!

Scully did love Mulder, when she didn’t possess thoughts of hitting him with a brick. She had to love him, who else would put up with him, she told herself. She loved his mind, his wit and his sexuality but sex did not drive their relationship as Mulder was soon to find out. On this fateful day his desire and her lack of it would conspire against them and draw them into a situation neither of them would likely forget but this wasn’t the kind of story they could tell their grandkids.

Scully had arrived at work at her usual time and Mulder had done his usual best to piss her off.

He hinted at coming over to her place tonight. She hit him with an emasculating glare that in common gutteral terms was known as ‘pussy whipped’. He didn’t bring it up again.

He had offered to buy her lunch but she had to spend her meal time at the DMV, listening to some snotty assed kid comment on her height as he entered it on her new license.

She arrived back at the office, late from lunch with her new shoes pinching her toes. “Fucking farmer,” Scully murmured as she removed her shoes to rub her feet.

Where the hell was Mulder? She called out to him but he was nowhere to be seen. No note, no message, he’d ditched her again!

Kicking her shoes under the desk, she went over to the filing cabinet to put her purse in the bottom drawer. She could have put it in a higher one but she discovered early on she liked the croaking sound that emanated from one Special Agent Fox Mulder as she bent down and shifted her hips, ok it was an ass wiggle but it still got the desired results she wanted. Cause and effect; she loved science!

As Scully was straightening up, the lights went out and she heard the door shut and the tumbler catch in the lock. She knew it had to be Mulder and one of his dumb ass games.

“Mulder knock it off. I’m not in the mood.” Scully said and added, “Shit.” As she stubbed her toe on the desk.

“Mulder cut it out!”

Scully suddenly found Mulder’s hands pulling her backwards as she yelped, “Mulder! What the fuck!”

“Exactly what I had in mind Scully.” Mulder said as Scully heard his zipper make a grating noise.

“Mulder you know I do not find this endearing. We have work to do.”

Mulder began bunching up her skirt as he roughly said, “No Scully, it’s play time.”

‘Shit.’ Scully thought to herself, ‘I’m up to my ass in work and all Mulder wants to do is cop a feel of said ass.’ ‘Oh great. Is that his erection I feel or is he just happy to see me. Hell, he’s ALWAYS happy to see me. Either way he is not going to find a home for that anytime soon.’

Mulder had finally gotten Scully’s skirt up around her waist and moved her over to the desk. ‘How does he do that in the dark! He must be part bat.’

He bent her over the desk as Scully rested on her elbows.

“Mulder you know if you’re nice and let me up you can come over tonight.” Scully said as she tried to bargain her way out of this one.

Mulder just grunted and pulled down her panties, whispering, “Pink is my favorite color.”

‘Damn!’ Scully thought, ‘He is part bat.’

Scully felt Mulder’ adjust his hips slightly and put his arm around her waist.

“Mulder, Mulder listen to me, Skinner could come in here at any moment.”

“Mulder is the only one coming in here Scully,”

Mulder purred. ‘Shit!’ Scully thought, ‘He is really cranked up now.’

Mulder grabbed her ass and plunged his cock into her pussy.

“Holy shit, Mulder! You could have warned me,” was all Scully could spit out.

“Scully, you aren’t very wet! You nearly ripped the skin off me!” Mulder yelped, his suaveness lost in his panic.

“Listen Mulder this was your big idea not mine so don’t blame me for your little problem and stop shifting your weight, that hurts like hell!”

Mulder was brought back down to earth. “Scully can you loosen up just a little, this is not comfortable.”

Scully was furious. Here she was on one of the worst damn days of her life with Mulder’s cock stuck in her. Literally stuck. She had not been at all prepared for his sudden need for sex and she had to admit even under normal, hot sticky, teeth rattling sex a little KY never hurt.

Scully could not help it she was small boned and tiny all over and fell in love with a man who was, well big all over. Hell, who was she kidding, between his legs he was huge. Now they had a problem!

“Mulder get off me!” Scully grunted.

“Scully, if I thought I could, don’t you think I would.” Mulder was getting mad.

Scully sensed Mulder was tensing up and she knew that would only exasperate the situation.

“Look Mulder just back out of me and we’ll forget this ever happened.”

“Scully, what do you think I’m trying to do.” Mulder fumed through clenched teeth.

“Scully you’re the doctor here. What do we do?”

“Mulder there is very little a doctor can do with a penis stuck up her cunt! I have read stories in med school of this happening. The male organ is too large to fit into the female without proper lubrication.”

“Yeah, you weren’t lubricated enough,” Mulder mutters.

“Oh, so now it’s my fault! Well Mulder I’d tell you to go fuck yourself but you seem to be rather busy right now!”

“Scully, stop moving around, you’re gonna kill me!”

In the pitch blackness of the basement Scully felt something.

“Mulder what are you doing?”

“I, I thought if I could loosen you up, we, we might be able to get out of this.”

“Mess! Mulder, this mess you’ve gotten me into!”

“Mulder, stop sqeezing my breast.” Scully coldly replied, “I’ve still got my gun.”

“Yeah, well unless you plan on using it for leverage, I don’t think it will help.”

“Ohhh!” Scully whined as she put her face into her hands with her elbows still on the desk.

“Scully,” Mulder moaned, “I think my legs are cramping.”

“Oh Mulder. Stop being such a baby and work with me here,” Scully said with exasperation in her voice. “If I pull forward and you push back we should be ok. Ready? On three.”

“Geeze Scully you make it sound like a contest.”

“Shut up Mulder. On three. One, two, three!”

“Holy shit, sweet mother! Damn.” The air was thick with profanity but it was all for naught.

Mulder still found himself engorged in Scully.

“Scully, how can sex hurt this much?” Mulder whimpered, not far from crying.

“Mulder stop bitching and help me out here. What we need is a lubricant.”

“I can spit in my hand Scully and.”

“Mulder you do not have enough spit in your entire body to get us out of the one. There must be something we can use around this office.” Scully said, as she felt around the top of the desk.

“Mulder, what are you doing?”

“I’m moving us around to the desk drawer, maybe there is something in there.”

“Okay, but no sudden moves or you might be missing one of your favorite organs.”

Mulder managed to move them around the desk and pull out the drawer.

“What now Sherlock?” Scully hissed.

“Give me a minute Scully.” Mulder said as he dug through the drawer. “There has to be something in here.”

“Mulder don’t you ever clean that thing?”

“Scully you gonna rag on me or you gonna. Oh, here’s something!”

Mulders hand lit upon a small bottle. Picking it up, he shook it. “Hey Scully I think I have something here.”

“It isn’t super glue is it Mulder? That’s all we need,” Scully huffed.

Mulder removed the cap and sniffed it. It didn’t smell like anything. He put a drop on his fingers and smeared it around. It didn’t feel sticky.

“I think its water Scully.”


“Mulder who the hell keeps a bottle of water in their desk? What am I saying, of course you would. Well, get pouring!”

Mulder took off the lid and poured it between them. It was cold and damp. He pulled out slightly.

“Oh Scully, I think its gonna work. Just a little more.”

He poured the fluid in his hand and rubbed his fingers on his shaft. Scully immediately felt him harden up.

“Mulder stop that! You’re making it worse.”

“Okay, okay, just let me try pouring it on.” Mulder dumped the entire contents of the bottle between them.

Either from the cold or from the fluid Mulder had soaked them in, they were soon sliding apart. A slight ‘pop’ was heard and Mulder was finally free.

“Shit Mulder! I’m gonna be sore for weeks and I DO mean weeks,” Scully said, more of a warning than a point of fact. Scully straightened up with her back aching.

Mulder moved to the door to turn on the light switch.

In the stark cold light of the glowing florescent bulb, reality set in.

“Holy shit Mulder! Ink! You had to grab a jar of fucking black ink.”

Scully was covered in permanent black ink. It covered her skirt, her hands, her thighs, and she didn’t want to even guess what else. Mulder didn’t fare any better.

He stood there with ink on his shirt, his pants, his hands, and was now the proud owner of an indigo black penis.

Mulder looked up with a grin and said, “Well Scully I guess I’ll be using a pencil from now on.”

Scully looked at him with those steel blue eyes and replied with all the gentleness of a straight razor, “Well maybe you can just use your cock!”


Scully towel dries her hair thinking, Dad used to remove ink with gasoline. Shuttering she says, “There was no way in hell I’m pouring gas there!

“Look at me I’m a fucking mess! I only hope I made it out of the office sight unseen, and who knows where Mulder is.”

As Scully cinches up her robe there is a knock at the door.

“Scully open up it’s me.”

“Why should I? You want to staple us together?”

“No, but we can try that after we send Skinner copies of our asses.” Mulder muses.

Scully flings her door open, grabbing Mulder and pulling him in, fearing her neighbors have already heard quite enough.

Mulder took one look at Scully covered in black blotches and bursts out laughing.

Scully should be pissed at him but she notices he’s standing before her sans black ink. He’s squeaky clean, not a drop on that pouting lower lip or those long sensitive fingers.

“Mulder why aren’t you covered in ink?”

“Because after you ran out, I went to see the Lone Gunman and they gave me something to get it off with.”

“Mulder,” Scully frowns, “Exactly what did you tell them?”

“Well not much, but they want your version next week.

Oh and Frohike said to tell you he still has lots of lead in his pencil.”

“Dammit Mulder, do you have to tell the three stooges everything about us?” Scully fumes.

“Scully do you want the remover they sent along or not?”

Scully’s face beames, “Oh yes Mulder. Gimme, gimme!”

Scully takes the bottle and heads for the bathroom, turning back toward Mulder, she asks “Did you really get all that ink off you?”

“Yeah, you wanna see?” Mulder replies as he begins to unzip his pants.

“No, no that’s okay. I won’t be seeing that for a long time. Scully grins as she shuts the bathroom door.

Mulder slouches against the wall, hitting his head he softly moans, “Scullllyyy!”

~The End~

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